Recent studies show that, in Romania, over 90 % of child abuse is perpetrated by family or someone they trust. FONC notes that the number of abused children increased over the past few years. In 2010, the Romanian National Authority for Child Protection and Adoption received 11,200 reports of violence against children. In 2015, over 13,500 cases of violence were recorded, in 2016 the number grew by 500 and in the first months of 2017, 7,600 such cases were reported.
The most frequent types of abuse are physical and psychological. It is possible that sometimes parents go overboard and start abusing, controlling when trying just to express their love. Other times parents are aggressive and abuse their children physically and emotionally on purpose. Abuse can occur to everyone, everywhere, in rich families, as well as in poor families.
Physical and verbal abuse leave lasting marks which can be identified in adulthood. Beating is still considered a form of education.
I was abused both physically and verbally and I tried to escape the emotions I had towards that moment. We live with that moment in the back of our minds and, as we try to ran away from it, we get involved in all kind of stupid actions. We try to forget, but we never seek to accept what has happened to us.
You can spank the child once in a while, but you should never beat them violently. Disciplining them is better. Physical and verbal abuse are equally awful. They can have extremely negative effects on childrens development. We cannot abuse children in any form.
- Not even when theyre young ?
- No, not even then.
Do you promote, for instance, mild spanking as a child discipline method ?
Yes, because sometimes they need to learn boundaries. But, in the long run, its best to teach them using more effective punishment. We all got spanked once in a while as kids and I dont think our parents wanted to abuse us physically, they rather wanted to discipline us.
Sexual aggression is another form of abuse to which children are exposed to in or outside family. How can they avoid such situations and what should they do ?
Its a matter of education. Parents have to teach children not to have any contact with strangers. Thats not being xenophobic. It simply means avoiding any type of contact with unknown persons.
When we were little, we were taught to beware of strangers, not to receive any candy and not to follow strangers. It all starts with parents. Of course, children need to listen to their parents because they are the ones giving the best advice.
I recommend the mother and the father, the parents, to be close to their children. Thus, the abused child can run into parents arms to tell them what happened, to cry and to ask for help. Abuse causes suffering to children no matter the form. Children go out in the world having wounds and need help to heal. There are some traumas that can happen to people in childhood or later on and haunt them their entire life, making them be stuck.
Having a son is a true blessing. I thought maybe its time to move on to the next stage in my life, to accept I was abused physically and verbally, to examine in depth the emotions that recollection gives me and to accept it as it is. It all starts with admitting the abuse on your part.
What can I do as the person who was abused ? The first step is understanding what has happened and trying not to judge. The next step is granting forgiveness just as we need Gods forgiveness: And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
A child can always teach an adult three things: how to be happy for no reason, how to be busy with something all the time, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires.
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